So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
