Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
