Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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