He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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