Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
