You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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