I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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