i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
