Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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