I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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