I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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