o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I think your dad took our porno
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
