if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
