Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
