I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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