Plan B is the new Plan A
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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