If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
