I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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