She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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