She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
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We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
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I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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