I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
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Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
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That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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