It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
