I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You may now shotgun with the bride
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
