I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
