my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
