If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
