two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
