if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
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She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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