he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
