Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
