all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
