fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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