Porn is love you can see.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
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Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
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He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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