why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
