I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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