So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
This baby is an asshole
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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