Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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