Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
They are going to name an STD after you.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
