During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
