I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
