capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Randomize
