If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
