either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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