I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
