Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
