I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
