The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
