Plan B is the new Plan A
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
