I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
