i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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