i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm at about main and main street
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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