i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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