Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
