I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
he's single and there are thong briefs.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
