It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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