And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
