Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
