Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
it hurts more in the daytime
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
