I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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