You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
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He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
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i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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