If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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